


Never Have I Ever

by Ta_Ma



Category: Olympics RPF, Swimming RPF
Genre: Drinking Games, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Resolved later, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 04:05:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3160520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ta_Ma/pseuds/Ta_Ma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of fun and friendship Ryan starts feeling something different for Michael, and then he fucks things up. Luckyly Allison is there to save the day. </p><p>Angsty fluff based on a Catalan Song. And my first Phlochte ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Phlochte fanfiction, I wrote it last summer. Please be gentle with me.
> 
> This story is inspired by a Catalan song called "Jo mai mai" by Joan Dausà 
> 
> http://open.spotify.com/track/3wE2JNdZXzz7Cy67aK6dB6

 

 It’s almost a tradition among the swimmers, the night after their last race at a championship or Olympics; they find booze, something strong, not just beer, and they play Never Have I Ever till they are too wasted to go on, so they end up knowing some weird information about their teammates and having an awful hangover the morning after.

It started in Athens and, of course, it was Ryan’s idea. They were young and full of hormones and adrenaline after the Olympics and the medals, and Ryan proposed it half-seriously, half-jokingly, so they bought some Greek liquor the name of which was both cryptic and forgettable, and they started playing just so they had an excuse to drink.

Ryan’s intention was for Michael to play with them, but Michael by then was incredibly shy, too much self conscious and wary of guys like Ryan Lochte. Ryan didn’t get him to play with them, but Michael ended the night knowing things about his teammates (especially Ryan) he didn’t want to know, things that he could hardly forget and soon started fantasizing about.

After that night, Michael spent a lot of time thinking about Ryan Lochte and those embarrassing feelings he had, knowing all the things Ryan had done and he hadn't. He spent nights picturing Ryan with girls and guys, and jerking off to those images.  

On the other hand, Ryan spent a lot of nights thinking about Michael, the adorable look on his face when Ryan started saying awkward things and drinking at others just to keep that look and the lovely blush Michael wore all that night.

....

After that time Ryan tried all of his charms to impress Michael, and he started talking and asking him about his life and his family, he noticed that Michael found it easy to talk about his family, especially when Ryan told him about his own family and his mother.

Michael started trusting Ryan, and by the next international meeting they were almost friends, so when after the last race Ryan proposed the game again, he agreed to play. Ryan tried to keep the game soft in order to spare Michael some embarrassment, and Michael was grateful for that.

Beijing was one of the funniest moments Ryan remembers; by then, he and Michael were close friends, and Michael was so impressive as a swimmer that everybody in the USA team wanted to hang out with them. So, when they proposed to play Never Have I Ever, no one refused.

By then Ryan had feelings for Michael, but he tried to convince himself that it was only a very strong friendship, and nothing else. He cared for Phelps as everyone would care for their best friend, and he maybe thought Michael was hot, but who didn't?

Rome was weird for Ryan: he and Michael were friends and Michael had become handsy with him, so Ryan spent their time there being either being horny or swimming. He had been thinking about Michael a lot before the Worlds, and he had come to admit to himself that he was, at least, physically attracted to him. Which meant that spending so much time with Michael, with both of them being almost naked, wasn't the best way to get over it and keep their friendship safe.

During that championship, there were far too many times where Ryan had been about to give in and kiss Michael, or corner him against the wall and grope him. When, after the relays, Michael hugged him so tight and wearing nothing else but his swim suit, Ryan had to use all of his self-restraint in order to avoid getting a boner.

The situation was driving Ryan crazy, so when after the last race, Michael suggested playing Never Have I Ever, Ryan excused himself saying he wasn't feeling well. Michael offered calling someone or staying, but Ryan just refused and said he wanted to sleep. When Michael left, Ryan could tell that he was worried, and he felt even worse. That night Michael kept texting him, asking if he was okay or if he needed something or wanted company. Ryan was tempted more than once to answer that yes, he wanted to come and stay with him, but he didn't, and Michael probably thought he was asleep, because he sent one last text:

**MP:**

_Sleep well, Doggy. If you need anything at any time just tell me._ (Received at 11:18 p.m.)

Ryan felt his chest tight with that one, and he understood that maybe his attraction to Michael wasn't just physical, and that he was truly fucked, because Michael was surely straight and if he found out how Ryan felt, he would distance himself from Ryan eventually.

But Ryan didn't know that while he was trying to restraint his feelings for Michael, he was doing just the same. He started refusing Michael's invitations and they stopped seeing or talking to each other so often. They used to text at least once a day, just to joke or talk about common things, but from then on, Ryan stopped texting back.

Next year, when they saw each other at Nationals, Michael looked lost and Ryan felt so guilty that he tried to gain back the closeness between them, but although Michael joked and talked with him, and smiled at him, nothing was the same, he was distant as if he was trying not to let himself enjoy Ryan's company, and Ryan felt awful because it was his fault and his alone. He still remembers the conversation with Allison then.

She came to find him in his room:

"What have you done, Lochte?" Ryan could tell that she was trying to look more severe that she was capable of, and he just admitted his mistake because he was already feeling guilty enough.

"I fucked it up..." And he must have given himself up because Ally's expression changed.

"Wow. Is it so serious?" She sat on his bed and patted the place next to her for him to sit. "What happened?"

"It's just... I'm an idiot..." He should had said the truth then, but he didn't. "We argued and I thought I was right, Michael thought I wasn't, and I stopped talking to him... and now he's acting weird."

Allison looked at him.

"He doesn't seem angry... He looks more sad than upset..." Ryan didn't want to keep talking and Allison didn't ask further, she just said that they maybe should talk and make up. Ryan said he would try, and she just left. But he never tried and they didn't play any games at the end of the championship.

After Pan Pacs that year they didn't talk at all, Ryan felt so sad, he had broken one of the best things of his life trying not to break it, he felt useless and disappointing. He wasn't aware of how much he needed Michael until he lost him, he hadn't known until then that the little bit of Michael he had got every day, in texts, or phone calls, or playing videogames online, was what made him smile the rest of the day, and he had lost all of it.

That year Ryan was lost and sad, he wasn't as talkative as before, and his brother Devon was so worried that he asked their mother permission to move in with Ryan. Lochte knew that he was acting weird; even Carter followed him around the house as if it was keeping an eye on him so he didn't do anything stupid. After Christmas, Ike was terribly worried about her son and tried to persuade him into spending more time in home, but he had to train, so he went back to Gainesville. Devon couldn't make it until a week after New Year, so Ryan had to be alone those days, he refused all invitations for New Year's Eve, instead he spent the night alone with a bottle of tequila and thinking about Michael, imagining that if they were together, they would kiss at midnight. Around two in the morning, Ryan was so wasted and sad that he sent a text to Mike.

**Doggy:**

_MP, I miss U :(_ (sent at 2:07 a.m.)

Ryan woke up past lunch time, he had an awful hangover and couldn't escape the feeling that he had done something he should regret. Of course, when he went through the texts sent from his mobile, he knew what he had done.

**Doggy:**

_rlly miss u_ (sent at 2:47 a.m.)

 _wnna kss yo_ (sent at 3:22 a.m)

He was so fucked, there wasn't any text from Michael and Ryan hoped that he hadn't read them. He tried to forget it and go along with his life, but every time his phone rang he looked at it like it was about to explode. That night, when Ryan was already in bed, his phone buzzed.

**MP:**

_I miss you too, idiot, and whose fault is it?_ (received at 11:34 p.m.)

Ryan blinked, he had to read it twice to understand the text, but once he had read it again, he felt the urge to call Michael and fix things up. Ryan almost dropped the phone trying to press the call button.

"Hi." Michael’s voice was thick.

“Mike,” he let out. “I’m sorry”

“Well, it’s taken you months…” His voice sounded far away. “But it’s better than nothing, I guess.”

“I’m an asshole, MP, I’m sorry.” Ryan was trying to seem regretful. “I don’t know why…It’s just I’m…” He couldn’t find the right words.

“It’s OK, Ry.” Mike tried to calm him, but he sounded apathetic. “I’m sure you can explain it, but I don’t really wanna hear it on the phone.”

"As you like." Ryan accepted it. "But, please, let me try to fix this."

"OK" Ry waited for some clue to start with, but Michael wasn't cooperating. "Listen, Ryan, I have practice tomorrow and I know you do too, we should probably go to sleep.”

“Yeah, sure,” answered Ryan. “Night MP.”

“Goodnight, Doggy.” That nickname made Ryan feel a bit better.

 

After that, they kept talking a little, just some texts and phone calls, but Ryan never gave that explanation he'd promised, and Michael never asked. Later that year, they met for the Shanghai Worlds, and Ryan put all his effort into regaining his relationship with Mike, and some days he even thought he had succeeded, but then Michael would do something, just a little gesture or comment, and Ryan knew that he didn't trust him as he had done before. But after the last race, Michael suggested to play Never Have I Ever, and Ryan hoped it meant that they would be okay.

Ryan was so sure that he never could have Michael as he wanted him that he started seeing guys; they weren’t relationships, he was just looking for some way to release tension and forget Mike, so he was OK with just one night stands. Until London, Ryan had the impression that things with Michael were going well enough, Michael even told him when they met briefly for a Speedo promotional act than he was thinking about retiring from swimming, so, Ryan felt as he was getting Michael's trust back. He never thought that MP could have seen him with that guy at the club, never thought that he should have paid Michael’s trust back telling him about this guy thing. Michael never said anything and Ryan kept thinking that everything was okay.

But in London, he knew things weren't as OK as he thought. Michael had showed up with a new girlfriend, Megan, and Ryan felt lost again. Apparently Allison hadn't heard of Megan before neither, but Ryan still thought it was his fault, that Michael wasn't trusting him because he was an asshole. Ally tried convincing him that Megan was just a bluff, but Ryan knew that Mike bringing her to the Olympics wasn’t a good sign.

After the competition and Michael’s official statement about retiring, there was a great party, they drank a lot, played their traditional game and ended too wasted to be fully aware of what they had done.

Ryan can remember telling embarrassing things during the game, deliberately revealing too much information about his sexual life just to lower his frustrations; he can even remember Michael’s hurt face when he revealed his tendencies by drinking at one of Ally’s statements. He remembers waking that morning tangled with some guy from another team, but he can’t remember Michael leaving with Megan after he saw Ryan hooking up with that guy.

Ryan only knows that they haven’t talked since London; he knows that Michael is still dating Megan. He can tell how it still hurts, he isn’t grateful enough for Allison’s backup during Barcelona Worlds, when he collapsed after seeing Michael there with her, ignoring him as if they hadn’t been close friends for a while. Then he told Allison all the truth about Michael, why he felt so hopeless and how he missed him, and Schmitty just listened and promised him that she would help him gain Michael’s friendship back.

Now, it seems all excessive, because Michael has come back and he seems so relaxed and friendly, but Ryan has been uneasy since Michael has appeared again. Michael acts as if he has forgotten the last few years, he’s all smiles, friendly jokes and he’s touching Ryan at every chance he gets, and Ryan can’t handle it, he just stands awkwardly and tries to smile. This situation reminds him of when he first met Michael, when he was the effusive one and Michael the awkward shy kid.

…

During Pan Pacs, Allison has had enough of them, she just tells Ryan that he should talk to Michael or she will do it, but she must not believe his nod, because she sighs and leaves.

After the last race, Ryan finds himself in a room with half of the team and Michael, they are all sitting at a table, there are some bottles and glasses in front of them and an ice jar in the middle, Michael seems amused, Ryan feels dizzy and he hasn't even started drinking yet. Nathan looks at Allison, and when she nods, he starts serving drinks for everybody. Michael chuckles and smiles at Ryan.

"This must be your idea," he says and Ryan just smiles and shrugs because he feels as if he tries to talk, his heart will escape through his mouth.

Ryan knows that look on Schmitty's face, she's determined to do something, and for the way she's looking at Michael and him, Ryan's afraid that it will have bad consequences for him, but he knows Allison well enough to be certain that once she's decided on doing something, she won't give up.

They start playing, and Ryan tries to keep it in the funny zone, just saying silly things and Michael seems OK with it, but he knows that Ally is just waiting to make her move at the right moment. When he is starting to relax because of the alcohol, and he's beginning to think that maybe Allison just wanted to remember their last game, she raises her glass and says, "Never have I ever wanted to kiss Michael". Ryan just chokes and stares at her, Michael seems unaware; he laughs and blows her a kiss.

But when Ally raises her glass again and, staring at Ryan, says, "Never have I ever wanted Michael to break up with his girlfriend", her tone is so serious that Michael suddenly realizes that this isn't exactly a joke. He follows Allison's gaze and looks at Ryan, and Ryan drinks because he's always thought that it's better to regret actions than missing opportunities, and he hopes that maybe Michael will understand.

Michael gawks at him and Ryan tries to read his expression but he can’t, Michael stays still and Ryan is frozen in place. The room’s atmosphere has suddenly changed, Ryan swallows and Michael stands up, he doesn’t even look at Lochte anymore, he just mutters a goodbye and leaves. Ryan can’t comprehend what's happened, he’s been imagining for years what would happen if he ever told Michael how he felt about him, but this image of Michael leaving without words wasn’t in his plan.

Abruptly he’s aware of Allison at his side, she looks devastated, and Ryan can tell that she’s trying to apologize, but he asks her to leave too. He can see out of the corner of the eye the others walking out and he sits down and closes his eyes, he doesn't want to think, he feels so torn, he doesn't know how to take it.

For a while Ryan wonders what would happen if he just pretended that this night never happened, maybe Michael would be OK with it, maybe they could still be friends, or at least keep a polite relationship, but he can picture Michael giving him a cold greeting and just this makes him feel so empty and broken.

Ryan pulls his hair and is about to cry when he hears the door, he supposes it’s Allison just keeping an eye on him, but then whoever has arrived coughs and Ryan rises his head startled.

“MP, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” he blurts out, trying to look composed.

"You've never..." Michael's voice is hoarse and so low, he looks awkward but Ryan can deal with Michael’s awkwardness so much better than with Michael’s coldness, so he’s almost grateful.

"I think the right way is 'Never have I ever'..." he jokes, because that’s always worked before, but then Michael follows the prank and takes his glass without making eye contact, and Ryan is so stunned.

"You're right. Well... here I go: Never have I ever thought that I would be happier with you rather than her, or anybody else." And with that he drinks, leaves the empty glass on the table, and looks briefly at Ryan.

It takes Ryan a moment to understand what just happened, and Michael looks nervously at the door like he’s calculating how to escape, but Ryan finally knows what to do and he’s not allowing Michael to run. He walks up to him and takes him by the shirt; his lips are cold and taste like whiskey. Michael doesn’t answer the kiss, but he doesn’t push him away either, so Ryan takes his face with both hands and caresses his jaw until Michael starts cooperating.

It's Mike who breaks the kiss, holding Ryan close by his waist.

“How long?” he asks, and he speaks so low that Ryan wouldn’t be able to understand if they weren’t touching each other.

“Forever, I guess.” Ryan drops his gaze, “but I realized in Rome.” And Michael snorts.

“Everything makes sense now…” Michael sounds sad and Ryan looks at him. “I was so lost, Ry… you wouldn’t talk to me and I couldn’t understand what was going on.”

“I’m so sorry…” Ryan feels the knot growing in his throat but he has to explain himself. “I didn’t know what to do, how to handle this… feeling, I thought that if you knew you would run from me.”

“You’ve always been the dumb one...” Michael says in a joking tone and Ryan hits his chest without meaning it. “I wouldn’t have run, you should know that.”

“I suppose I was scared.” He doesn’t realize he’s pouting until Mike breaks his pout with another kiss, this one more heated than the first. Ryan runs his hands down Mike’s back and lets him lead, they are so lost in the moment that they don’t hear the door, it’s Conor’s yell what makes them break their embrace.

Conor and Allison are standing on the door, she’s smiling but Dwyer looks shocked, he’s mouth open and frozen in the place, Schmitty pats his arm and he reacts.

“What.. why… you?” he doesn’t seem to get the right words.

“Well, we are so close friends…” Michael says nonchalantly and puts his arm round Ryan’s shoulders and smiles, Ryan just laughs and Allison joins him.

Then Michael tugs his hand and Ryan feels light-headed just feeling the other’s touch on his fingers.

“We have to…” Ryan tries to give Ally and Conor a good excuse to leave but Schmitty is quicker than him and says, “Go, yes”, and Michael smiles and pulls him out of the room.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Jeahwriting and Ghost_Writer for helping me with the plot, and thank you Dfotw for being my emergency beta.


End file.
